today i deleted every single photo i’ve ever worked on over the last several years (film & digital). i didn’t delete any of the raw files or negatives but i’ve thrown away hours upon hours, days, weeks, months, years worth of work…it’s all gone…i’m starting over with a clean slate, clear head, new outlook and new tools and understanding.
it was all crap anyway and i had no idea what i was doing…i still dont know what i’m doing, but i’m continuing to learn and trying to figure things out.
i deleted everything without hesitation and when i finally emptied the trash can on my computer, i felt a very brief moment of despair and regret that immediately turned into relief and a true breath of fresh air.
the next thing i decided to do after that was put on Flying Lotus’ new album ‘You’re Dead!’, looked at my box of 160+ negatives and grabbed the roll i shot after i made the decision to not only take photography more seriously as a career, but it was also the one roll i took when i decided that i was going to make a permanent move to shoot with film exclusively (photos on this post).
these photos represent more than just being the kickstarter to a new life in photography…
they represent the last time i would step foot in the apartment i shared with my girlfriend at the time…the last photos i would take from that balcony, they represent a critical time of change in my life, they represent a new outlook on how i’m able to finally SEE my own work and PROPERLY process them, they represent the first time i’ve ever been really truly happy with what i’ve been able to do with a camera and more importantly…they are a representation of my unknown ability to express myself with a camera.
i didn’t realize any of this until i scanned them and processed them which i did entirely different from how i’ve been working with my photos…i’ve been doing everything COMPLETELY wrong and when i changed things up a bit…i was finally able to see and achieve a look of my photos that i’ve been trying to achieve for the last 7 months.
it’s an amazing feeling…
i’m working extremely hard lately on getting things right…all on my own with little to no help…and it’s been really difficult…but today, it got much much easier and i’m excited again…
holding a camera, seeing the world, making a recording of what i see is all i want to do…there has never been one thing in my entire life where i was able to devote all of my time, heart, energy, mind and soul to just ONE thing…i’m finally able to focus. (pun not intended)
for anyone that has just come across this blog, welcome…i’m just another photographer writing on yet another photo blog…i’m not a pro, i’m not an artist, i’m not a pretentious prick, i’m not a writer or a good one at that, i have very little schooling on photography, i have no technical skills or knowledge…i’m just a dude that loves his cameras, loves making photographs and i’m just trying to figure out how to do the things the way i want to do them and make a career out of it despite the degree of difficulty it is to succeed in this industry. i’m still very much an amateur and know that i have a really long way to go…(i’ve been shooting on and off since 1995 by the way).
for those of you that know me and know that my blogs change often and know that i have no consistency with what i’m trying to do with all the blogs i’ve ever put out…this blog may change again…but for now…this is home.
i go through these spurts of posting my work, but i’ve just never been totally comfortable with anything i’ve done, but i’m going to be more active here…i do want to share my work, share my growth as a photographer and share anything that might be helpful to anyone else in the same or similar boat as i am…
for the first time…im happy with these photographs and how i was able to bring them to life…i’m excited to go back into my archive and implement what i learned today…stay tuned!
thanks for reading.